The Art of Not Giving Up
Let's say up front: we're allowed to be discouraged. There is no weakness in that.
"There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors," wrote poet Adrienne Rich.
Discouragement is a very human response to this time we find ourselves in. Living in discouragement, though, can grind on the spirit, grind down the heart.
It can harden into cynicism, into apathy – "the cynicism that nothing matters and the apathy that nothing can change," as former National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes puts it.
But one of the most elegant parts of human design is that we can hold multiple things at the same time. I find this F. Scott Fitzgerald line useful here:
"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise."
So here are two fairly simple ways to make them otherwise – which is just another way of saying not giving up, which is just another way of saying pushing history in a direction we can be proud of.
Don't Underestimate Your Power
The other evening, I was laying cedar mulch onto a garden bed of dogwoods I'd been working on for a few years. A couple walking by on the sidewalk paused.
The man said, "We remember when you first planted this. It's looking great." The woman nodded. "Yeah, nice work!"
And I felt like they'd just given me a Pulitzer for Gardening. It was so kind, so unexpected.
Twenty minutes later, a muscled up chap oozing swagger swaggered by. At the last minute, he turned around and called back, "Garden looks really good!"
Now, my friends, lest you think I have the Versailles of gardens, I do not. Cedar mulch makes anything look better. But it's not stop-you-in-your-tracks, do-a-double-take better.
These folks just spent a few moments and a few kind words honoring an effort I was making. And do I ever want to live in a world where folks do stuff like that.
Democracy is a form of government, but it's also a culture. And culture is what does - or doesn't - hold us all together.
These seemingly small gestures nudge us gently towards each other, reaffirm our faith in the possibility of each other's goodness. And they cost next to nothing; it just took those three people a few words and three days later, I'm still basking in them like a cat in the noonday sun.
Give a Call of Thanks
When I first started working in Congress, I answered phones. And, my friends, rare is the human who calls to say the boss is firing on all cylinders, just keep up the great work.
But we could.
If we don't agree on everything our Members of Congress, local legislators, town councilors are doing, we could thank them for one thing they've done.
Or we could just thank the staffer who answered the phone for being there when we called. We could acknowledge how hard their job is, say we wish their public service were easier.
If we did that, we just might remake that staffer's day. She might talk about it in the small D.C. apartment she shares with four roommates. He might text his parents about it, because this is his first job away from home and he doesn't know anybody in town to text, so he texts his mother.
These junior staffers often go on to become senior staffers, to advise politicians on how to vote. And if they believe people aren't all awful, if they see people's redemptive potential, they may not legislate with a spirit of retribution, might not assume the worst about humanity.
For years, my mother had a faded note on her desk that she kept right at eye level. On it, she had written a Howard Zinn line that she - and now I - have committed to memory: "The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory."
We will not win every fight. We might not even win 50% them. But if we spend the balance of our time living as we believe humans should live, that is no small win.